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I have been a Christian probably twelve and a half years. But I feel like my journey really began probably just over two years ago when I started to feel really like God was calling me into something. My walk with Him was sort of lukewarm. So I started to pray about it and I started to read in Matthew the portion where He talks about: When I was hungry, you fed me and when I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink…and so on. I thought, “I’ll take that literally and I’ll just start by feeding people.”
Our church was running a soup kitchen at the time so I thought, “Well, I’ll volunteer there,” so I went. I was only able to give my time in the afternoons so I helped prepare the meals. I never really got that interaction with the people that were coming in. I did that for a little while when I could and it just really felt like work, which is fine, but I kind of was expecting that maybe there might be (I would have a passion for) something that God called me to, and I just wasn’t feeling that.
So I remember praying and telling God that, “I wanna do something to serve You and I don’t know if I’m supposed to be passionate about it or if I’m just supposed to go and do it and it’s ok that it feels hard and not like something I want to do.”
One evening I was talking with a friend of mine and I said to her, “I feel like I wanna get into the prisons and I just want to go and visit people who feel like maybe they are forgotten.”
The interesting thing was, also when I confessed to her, I said that I wanted to work with men. That also is a hard thing to face because it seems weird. It seemed like my natural path would be to go and minister to women but somehow that wasn’t what God was leading me to.
When I came home I searched up ‘prison ministry’ and Connecting Streams came up right away so I emailed them and met with Margaret shortly after that. In having our conversation, she started to talk about leading bible studies and that scared me. That scared me. That wasn’t really what I was expecting to get into. I thought I was just going to go and visit people.
At the end of the conversation she said, “Do you ever see yourself leading?”
And I said, “No. I know that about myself. I’m not a leader so I’m fine following, but I’m not a leader.”
She said, “Ok. I just wanted to ask.”
I went through the process of getting clearance and began going in. At the orientation when we went in, Bruce was leading the orientation and he said, “My vision is that each one of you will one day lead your own team.”
I said to him, “I don’t want there to be any false expectations of what I’m here to do. I’m not a leader and I don’t really have any interest in doing that, but I just really want to volunteer and see what this is all about.”
Then when we started going in with Jamal. A couple times after we went in (probably the second or third time) he turned to me and he said, “So, you think you’re ready to lead next time?”
I’m thinking to myself, “I don’t know what — I’m not a leader — these people aren’t picking up on. I don’t understand why people keep telling me this,” but I figured that it was a leading from God so I said, “I will give it a shot.”
That was where I came alive.
So God ended up taking me from something where I was willing to serve Him but I wasn’t passionate about it; it was just a commitment that I made to Him, and He not only gave me something but he gave me something that I was already passionate about I just didn’t realize it.
I am so grateful to be blessed to be doing this, to step out and something that I feel God has called me. He’s equipped me. Now I don’t say that I’m not a leader because, honestly I’m really not, but I know that God is. And when He calls us to do something, He equips us to do it whether we understand that or not.
It has been just an exciting journey and I look forward to what He’s going to do next.
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TRAINER: Ronda Sajim – CS staff, Edmonton
SOURCE: Recorded for Breakforth One
POSTED: Feb 2019
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